One Saturday Morning

I had to go for a drug test for my new job. No big deal, I don't do drugs, so I have nothing to worry about.

At 6:30am on Saturday, I groggily dragged myself to the drug test facility. They open at 7am, and at 7:20 when I arrived, the place was packed. Being a walk-in, you just wait until they have space for you after the appointments. So, I brought a book with me and listened while this lady complained that her elderly parents had to sit and wait for 45 minutes, even though they did NOT have an appointment. Then I get called back. They take my driver's license and my forms and I sit and watch people with bandages on their arms from blood tests. Then I get nervous. I hate needles, I can handle getting a shot, but I prefer my blood in my body. I'm thinking, maybe they'll have to do blood work AND a urine test! YIKES.

Between the fear of needles and the fact it was about 60-degrees in the room, my anxiety could not be comforted. Then the doctor came to get me. She pulled me over to a little counter and asked me if my name was Evans Anne. It is now that I see the Indiana driver's license makes no sense because your last name is printed above your first followed by your middle.

Once that confusion is over, I ask her if it's a blood and urine test. To my relief, it's just a urine test. She hands me the cup, has me rinse my hands, then closes the door. A few minutes later, she taps on the door. I open the door to say "I've got nothing." Frustrated, she orders me to drink as much water as possible and I have to wait another 30 minutes. Feeling like a failure, I hang out for awhile drinking water out of a cone cup (which is difficult to drink out of, two-year-olds were more coordinated with it than I was). About 40 minutes later, she comes back and motherly asks, "are you ready now?" I nod. This was a success.

This whole time frame was about 2 hours. It took me two hours to pee in a cup.