Sorry Summer

In May I moved in with my love (and his roommate) downtown. My credit card was under control. We made a list of all the things we wanted to take advantage of in our fair city. Then I got fired. I went home to Indiana for a week. We did some things here and there. I cleaned a lot. I made the decision to go to cosmetology school. I started July 26th. One week in, I got a high fever that lasted for 12 days. Turns out I probably have mono. One more week of rest and I'll be tiredly making my way back to school. But having that one week of my own things outside the house, and then having it 'taken away' for another 3 weeks put me over the edge. 

After crying and yelling for the last 3 months about how life isn't fair and how I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me and how living with 2 dudes is less than stellar, he finally told me that he wouldn't complain with me. That I've complained about the same things all summer, but he wouldn't join me in my pity party. I didn't even realize I was throwing one.

I've apologized a lot this summer. All my frustrations have been taken out on the person who loves me no matter what, which is what happens when you live in close quarters. And after I yell and cry, I apologize for being a basket case. But it never occurred to me that my usually sunny disposition has had a dark cloud over it since the beginning of June. 

So how did I spend my summer, really? Did I have fun? Sure. But did I spend the majority of it feeling like a total loser who didn't deserve any fun? You bet. Did you know you can like where you live, and then after 3 months of being cooped up, absolutely hate it? I mean, what did our apartment ever do to me, except give me a roof over my head? I even sunk so low as to start blaming other people for my lack of having a life.

I'm a firm believer in being in charge of your own life - you can make the best of any situation. This summer, I didn't. I tried. I put on a smile. But underneath I just angrier and angrier. And then getting sick, to the point of not even being able to do anything, was the icing on the cake. 

Now that I realize how crabby I've been at home, I think it's time for an attitude adjustment. I think it's time to be ok with splurging on a yoga class or a facial, or new shoes. Not every week, but treating myself to things I enjoy is ok. I'm always encouraging others to treat themselves well and to take care of themselves. The bottom line is that I haven't taken care of me the way I need to be taken care of. How bad does that suck when you realize it's you, and not the world making you miserable? 

Unfortunately I wasted a summer being angry and sad (with a recurring dream about my old job, that couldn't have helped). But it's time to seek out the things I've wanted to take advantage of in this city that make me happy. No one else can do that for me. 

And I'm tired of apologizing. So perhaps instead of letting all my stress out on the person who truly makes me happy every day, maybe I'll take my stress out in a yoga class or jog session throughout the week. I know relationships have their ups and downs, and we'll have more. But I need to remember to take care of myself the way I love to take care of the other person. 

We're going to Boston this weekend to see my college friends get married. We're staying at a b&b near the Mayflower in Plymouth. We're looking forward to relaxing, the ocean, good food, and good friends. And lobster. :) 

Here's to end of summer smiles and less sorries.

Untying the Knots

Yesterday was my massage day. I haven't had a massage in years, but Mr. L treated me for my birthday and I couldn't think of a better time to use it.

My job was pretty stressful most of the time - always number-crunching, always finding new leads, always have to be on top of your game. I basically didn't sleep on Sunday nights in anticipation of the upcoming week (and probably dreading 7am meetings every Monday). So when the massage therapist asked if there was anything in particular I wanted her to work on, I told her that I was sure I was carrying a lot of stress in my back. And boy was I right.

Did you know that in between your shoulder blades you can acquire the biggest knots ever? I didn't. It was painful, but the kind of pain you have to get through to get some relief.

As I walked home, feeling noodle-like and completely relaxed, I couldn't help but think that the tension she worked out of my back has probably been building for months. I know I haven't been taking care of my body like I should, especially in the last 8-9 weeks. Mr. L and I were good about workouts after the first of the year, but once March hit, things shifted and I became more focused on my stressful job. That means no yoga, no jogging, basically nothing except the occasional walk in the last couple of months.

I'm not here to blame my job for my knotted back. But I think I've realized that if a job, relationship, commute, overall schedule is a constant stressful situation, is it really worth it? Obviously you have to make time for yourself, whether it's a quiet moment in the morning while you drink your coffee, or hitting the gym for a yoga class a few days a week. But when other factors in your life don't let up for months at a time and end up distracting you from taking care of yourself, sometimes those other factors have to change so you can lead the life you want. My newly-acquired time off is the reminder I needed to realize that I'm in charge of the amount of stress I have in my life. And taking time for myself isn't a crime - in fact, doing things I enjoy should be a daily requirement.

2010 Reflections

As I was driving home from the city tonight, I was reflecting on my life this year. I know the year isn't quite over. There are probably plenty of things that could happen to me in the next 5 days before the new year starts. But, I still have things that I'd like to acknowledge. Some are things that you may already know about, some are things you may not. Either way, I think it's healthy to take a step back and look at what one has accomplished and learned. So here it goes: 


Living: I moved once this year (yahoo!). I like my neighborhood, me and the roommate are just as good if not better friends than when I moved in. I'd say that since I moved here, I eat a lot more Portillo's and yummy pizza than I should. 


Work: I'm on my 3rd job. I started at the salon, moved here to work retail, now am doing business development. I'm so happy I worked retail for the last year. Being a manager and working my way up in the fashion world was fun - but my personal life felt very lacking. Luckily, my great networking and sales skills landed me an interview for my current position. I started in September and am very much looking forward to what 2011 will bring. 


Financial: With a new job came a nice pay increase. Since I started in September, I now have 1/3 less debt than when I started. I'd like to pat myself on the back for that one. :) 


Health: My cholesterol was tested recently: 182 - yes! I told the nurse she was my favorite person. I also lost about 15 pounds over the course of the last year. I did it unintentionally - the joys of running around in 3-inch heels for 8 hours a day combined with having time to eat half a salad and a handful of pita chips for lunch. But I'll take it! 


Friends: One of my best friends had her first child in June, and I'm a happy Auntie Mer. It's so exciting seeing him growing up. One of my other bff's is expecting her first child in March. It's been great catching up with old friends, Purdue friends, and my roomie and I try to have fun whenever we can. I get to see so many of my favorite people on a regular basis - how lucky am I? 


Family: Seeing my family more regularly has been awesome. They live about 2 hours away, so I've been able to see them at least once a month. We had some loss this year - a cousin in Florida who was nothing but wonderful to me when I lived there. And one of our family dogs - any of you animal lovers will understand that it's like losing a family member. I saw my family a few days after, which was good to see them after the tough week they had at home. After living in Florida for a year, I'm grateful that I'm able to be driving distance instead of flying distance. 


Love: Yep, this will make the list for 2010. We'll call him Mr. L. We met at the end of May and we've enjoyed every moment since then. He's my partner and I can go to him with anything. I feel loved and laugh every day - both at him and with him. He supports me in ways I didn't think I needed anyone to, and I'm so happy he's become such an important part of my life.


Miscellaneous: As the year wraps up, I've been able to take part in a yoga class and I started volunteering with Junior Achievement again. My schedule now allows me to take a little bit of time for myself to help kids and do what I need to do to re-center. In fact, traveling to Boston and Naples would fall into that category. I visited friends in Boston. Mr. L and I went to FL for 5 days to soak up some sunshine before the holiday madness. So this is what it's like to feel like a normal human being, eh? 


I think that's basically my year in a nutshell. I have some things to be proud of, some things I may have done differently, but overall - I'd say 2010 was successful. Lots of learning, lots of love, and lots of fun - I wouldn't have it any other way.

Life-changing

New job. New place. New roommate. New diet?

I've been recently inspired to research more in-depth about natural and organic eating. I buy a lot of healthy food, but am a sucker for snacks that aren't so healthy and if there's ice cream in the freezer, forget about it. What would happen if I took the extra time and invested in buying and cooking all-natural, all the time?

Supposedly we can get all our nutrients from food, right? By researching "power foods", I'm finding that by incorporating nutrient-rich foods into your daily diet, your body can look and feel better. I'm all about exercise to do this too, but eating to look better? Who woulda thunk it?

So now I'm doing an experiment, and it's basically starting right now. I'm going to load up on greens (not just romaine), whole grain everything, fruits, and legumes. I'll start cooking them the way our bodies are meant to absorb them. Then see what the results are. Benefits I read about include maintaining a healthy weight, better skin, improved digestive tract, and just overall healthy glow. Well, I wanna glow too.

I labeled this post Life-changing because it's one of my favorite phrases when describing food. For example, life-changing coconut shrimp, key lime pie, and other assorted cholesterol-unfriendly items. In an effort to help my cholesterol and overall well-being, I plan to make healthy food life-changing because it really can be. I expect some slip ups along the way, but I'll try to keep remembering this phrase adapted from a friend: "There is no food that tastes as good as healthy feels."

Get Your Glow On

All Aveda products are 80-95% natural, from the packaging to the fabulous product in the bottle. I've heard from people that Aveda changes you. Any hair or skin issues are rectified with the use of Aveda. So, I figured, while I work for a salon/spa, maybe I'll check out what these people are talking about. I've come to find out it's true.

I've tried many a face cleanser in my day, and come winter, my skin is drying out (which is incredible since I have oily skin, go figure). One of the estheticians pointed out to me that my skin is sensitive if I'm suffering from breakouts. This makes sense because that's how your skin reacts to what you're doing to it. Some folks are lucky enough to have skin that's a bit more mello. For me, I needed a gentle cleanser that doesn't completely strip my skin of it's natural oil. And, I needed a moisturizer that would keep breakouts at bay, but also keep my skin feeling good. So, I tried the Outer Peace Foaming Cleanser, Acne Relief Lotion, and the Tourmaline Charged Protecting Lotion.

The Foaming Cleanser gently cleans out your pores without harsh chemicals to kill the dirt and bacteria. It doesn't leave your face feeling tight and dry. With 2 pumps of product and some gentle scrubbing, your skin feels healthy and clean. Here in Lafayette, you can get it for $25 off the shelf. I know, a little much for those of us watching our pennies, but I purchased the travel size version and that lasted me about six weeks. My guess is that this larger bottle will last a solid 3 months at least.

I use the Acne Relief Lotion at night. It has salycylic acid, which kills the bacteria lingering in your skin. Personally, I've had back reactions to this type of acid, but the kind Aveda uses is derived naturally from a plant. The man-made stuff is what irritates my skin. In the morning, my skin looks and feels refreshed and ready to combat whatever the world wants to throw at it for the day. The lotion is a bit on the pricey side, too, but you use a finger's-worth once a day: it's worth it and it'll last you awhile.

For daytime, I use the Tourmaline Protecting Lotion. My fair skin needs SPF, even in the Midwest (I already have sun-damage according to a recent facial, so you should probably be using SPF too!). And this moisturizer isn't heavy or greasy. It's just the right amount of love to keep your skin feeling great. This bottle is about $40 I believe, and a finger's-worth is all you need.

Your skin is your biggest body organ, and one of the most important. It protects us from damage from the everyday elements. So why not protect it while it's protecting us? Many cleansers are advertised to "scrub away dirt" and "attack bacteria". Instead of attacking our skin, let's show it some healthy love to give us a glow.

Health Update

This week was an interesting week.

I went for a blood test last week to check my cholesterol. It came back. It's not good.

In fact, it's bad. My overall cholesterol is 246. My bad cholesterol is 20 points higher than it should be and my triglycerides are 80 points higher than they should be. This is really bad. After my doctor appointment, it was time to figure out what I'm doing wrong.

I eat out at least a few times a week. It's usually dinners out, or lunches for work. I order whatever I want depending on how I feel and it usually includes fries, a burger if I'm in the mood, cheesy goodness, and a beer or other spirited beverage (except for work things, of course). I drink wine fairly often, usually with my dinner at home or after dinner. I have quite a sweet tooth, so even though I try to stick to frozen yogurt at home, that doesn't happen when I'm out because "I can splurge". Well, these are weekly splurges, which isn't a splurge, it's a habit.

I go back for another blood test in August. I have four months to prove to myself that I am in control. Everything I eat is my choice. Exercising is my choice. So I'm going to limit (not eliminate, for fear of later binging) anything fried, extra sweetened, not whole wheat, and alcoholic. Including my beloved wine that is currently on my wine rack. The good news is that right now, everything I look at that's bad to eat just reminds me of the goo in my arteries. The good news is I like working out. The bad news (well, good in a sense) is that it took my body screaming at me in the form of big red letters reading "ABNORMAL-SEE DOCTOR" for me to open my eyes and realize I'm literally slowly killing myself.

People tell me I'm so young to have this "issue". I'm really trying to not think of it as an issue. At the end of 4 months, if my numbers are all on their way back to normal, that doesn't mean I can "go easy" on myself and eat whatever whenever. This just means that my body reacts to what I do in this way. And I'm ok with that. Do I need the crappy food? No. Do I need the wine all the time? No. I do need to eat and exercise so I can function on a day-to-day basis. I need to take care of myself so I can keep doing the things I love to do.

That was my wake-up call this week. And I've worked out every day and felt good about what I ate all week. It's at least a start.