...and the World Spins Madly On.

These last few weeks have been a blur. School keeps plugging away - I cut hair, I color hair, I make people happy, I go home, make dinner, go to the gym, go to bed, then get up and do it all over again. 


This industry is interesting. If I wanted to be a rockstar stylist and be famous someday (and probably if I was 18 again), I'd be content with what's expected after you take your boards for cosmetology. What's expected is this: apprentice under someone for 1-2 years making minimum wage, folding towels, cleaning up after them, and not touching hair. But I tend to veer off the beaten path and pursue things my peers wouldn't think of. Thank goodness, in this case. Just starting to make a decent living at the age of 30 sounds horrific. I don't expect to have everything, but I expect to be able to pay my bills between now and then. So there's that. 


Then there's him. He graduates in June, too. His career track could take him anywhere. Also with the fear of barely having a paycheck for awhile. Mine is flexible too, but a steady paycheck could be more likely (but who knows these days). So where does that leave us? 


Coming to grips with what both of you are trying to accomplish is hard. All of a sudden the thought of living in my parents' basement together seems way better than living 1,000 apart. So what will we do? The answer is I don't know. Do I wait to see where he might work? Does he wait to see where I might work? Do we actually have the luxury to be unemployed for the time it takes to figure those things out? (That is answer is definitely a No.) 


Living together has been great. Seriously. There have been arguements, moments when we're sick of each other, and every day has been a learning experience. I didn't realize until now that this life could change pretty drastically this summer. Every once in awhile we talk about marriage. Obviously we are very committed already so what's the rush? I came to the conclusion that I like to talk about it because I feel like it gives us something to look forward to. We are a sure thing and nothing else in our future feels that way, so why not talk about the excitement of a prospective wedding and marriage? Guess what I also finally realized: getting married won't make job hunting any easier. Getting married won't mean we suddenly have the luxury to do whatever we want. Having a ring on my finger won't pay the bills. In fact, it will lead to more bills. That just sucked the fun out of that, huh? 


I'm the type of person that is always positive. I trust that everything will work out. But some days, like today, I let reality pull me in and scare the shit out of me. And the reality is this: we have no clue what's going to happen after June. And while that's exciting most of the time, today it sucks. 


Tomorrow I'll get up and my routine will start again. I'll put a smile on my face and keep moving forward because that's what I do: I keep pushing. I keep hoping for the best. So may tomorrow be filled with hope once again.

Sorry Summer

In May I moved in with my love (and his roommate) downtown. My credit card was under control. We made a list of all the things we wanted to take advantage of in our fair city. Then I got fired. I went home to Indiana for a week. We did some things here and there. I cleaned a lot. I made the decision to go to cosmetology school. I started July 26th. One week in, I got a high fever that lasted for 12 days. Turns out I probably have mono. One more week of rest and I'll be tiredly making my way back to school. But having that one week of my own things outside the house, and then having it 'taken away' for another 3 weeks put me over the edge. 

After crying and yelling for the last 3 months about how life isn't fair and how I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me and how living with 2 dudes is less than stellar, he finally told me that he wouldn't complain with me. That I've complained about the same things all summer, but he wouldn't join me in my pity party. I didn't even realize I was throwing one.

I've apologized a lot this summer. All my frustrations have been taken out on the person who loves me no matter what, which is what happens when you live in close quarters. And after I yell and cry, I apologize for being a basket case. But it never occurred to me that my usually sunny disposition has had a dark cloud over it since the beginning of June. 

So how did I spend my summer, really? Did I have fun? Sure. But did I spend the majority of it feeling like a total loser who didn't deserve any fun? You bet. Did you know you can like where you live, and then after 3 months of being cooped up, absolutely hate it? I mean, what did our apartment ever do to me, except give me a roof over my head? I even sunk so low as to start blaming other people for my lack of having a life.

I'm a firm believer in being in charge of your own life - you can make the best of any situation. This summer, I didn't. I tried. I put on a smile. But underneath I just angrier and angrier. And then getting sick, to the point of not even being able to do anything, was the icing on the cake. 

Now that I realize how crabby I've been at home, I think it's time for an attitude adjustment. I think it's time to be ok with splurging on a yoga class or a facial, or new shoes. Not every week, but treating myself to things I enjoy is ok. I'm always encouraging others to treat themselves well and to take care of themselves. The bottom line is that I haven't taken care of me the way I need to be taken care of. How bad does that suck when you realize it's you, and not the world making you miserable? 

Unfortunately I wasted a summer being angry and sad (with a recurring dream about my old job, that couldn't have helped). But it's time to seek out the things I've wanted to take advantage of in this city that make me happy. No one else can do that for me. 

And I'm tired of apologizing. So perhaps instead of letting all my stress out on the person who truly makes me happy every day, maybe I'll take my stress out in a yoga class or jog session throughout the week. I know relationships have their ups and downs, and we'll have more. But I need to remember to take care of myself the way I love to take care of the other person. 

We're going to Boston this weekend to see my college friends get married. We're staying at a b&b near the Mayflower in Plymouth. We're looking forward to relaxing, the ocean, good food, and good friends. And lobster. :) 

Here's to end of summer smiles and less sorries.

What's Enough?

I left my full-time salary-with-benefits-job to pursue a career in the industry that truly interests me. This particular industry is a blast to work in; I have fun almost every day. The hours are all over the place. The clients are interesting. And I get to dress people in fabulous clothing and accessories - pretty sweet!

Since I moved back to the Midwest, money has been a huge concern for me. Living in FL, I was starting on the path of financial hope - hope that my bills could get paid, I could money in savings, and my debt would be finished. My job was steady, so it was completely feasible to accomplish all of these things. However, I love to shop, eat, go out for the occasional beer/cocktail, and travel. So saving real amounts of money was difficult for me. Then I moved home for 6 months with no living expenses, a car to pay for, and a credit card and apartment fees to pay on less than half my previous income. Totally capable of taking care of myself financially in the comfort of my parents' house, yet it still didn't happen. So, moving to a new, steadier job seemed like the logical thing to do next. Living at home with no living expenses wasn't deterring me from spending on silly things, so living on my own working my way up in a company made sense.

Now I'm here. And it still doesn't feel like enough. I work hard, things are progressing well. I tell myself weekly that financially, I should be good to go within a year. Once I'm making more money, my concerns for finance will cease. My credit card will be taken care of, I'll have money in savings, I'll even make enough to live in my own place again. But I can't shake the nagging feeling that I'm going to be poor forever. (Ok, that was dramatic, maybe not forever). When does this feeling go away? How much money does it take to not feel poor? Is it a specific number? Maybe when my credit card is paid off, will that mean I can relax a little? And will I really be able to do it in a year?

Perhaps it's time to make myself truly accountable by using the internet to budget for myself. By sharing my credit card progress, maybe I can keep motivating myself to keep up on my finances better instead of just paying bills because they're there. I try to tell myself that I don't need to go out all the time because I'm still paying off probably 2 years of fun on my credit card. Shouldn't that be enough motivation?

Maybe there's never enough. Enough money, time, motivation, energy...maybe it's all about doing the best you can with what you have. Maybe that's the question I should start asking myself: am I truly doing the best I can with what I have? If we ask ourselves this question regularly, I wonder what kind of answers (and excuses) we can come with...

Not-So-Personal Belongings

When I moved to Florida last July, I packed up two suitcases and jumped on a plane. The rest of my things slowly made their way down via my wonderful grandparents who make the drive from Indiana fairly regularly. Now I'm getting ready to pack up my car to drive home in a few days. And I've come to the conclusion that moving as a grown-up sucks.

I don't even have that much stuff. I don't need a moving truck (at least at this point, I don't think I do). My furniture is going to a good home here. I'm donating some things. I've packed my books, DVDs, some kitchen things, and my bathroom things. So that should leave clothes and shoes, right?

Apparently I have more things than I thought. And less boxes than I thought.

Moving makes you realize the beauty of living as simply as possible. I was all ready to just throw out the things that don't really matter, that I can just buy new when I get my own place again. Moving in with Mom and Dad means I don't need much. There are things I'm hanging on to because I have some sort of attachment to them. And I'm trying to tell myself that so much of this stuff is just that: stuff.

But what if it's stuff my Mom bought me because my parents are wonderful and helped me get on my feet here? What if it's stuff that my family gave me because at some point I actually liked it? What if it's stuff that I just don't know how to deal with?

*Deep Breath*

Some day there will be another apartment that will need new things. The things I have for this apartment were for this apartment. Who knows if I'd even want it later? It's too expensive to move it and I don't want to store it; I'd rather it be used. Even though it's just stuff, why is it so difficult to decide what to do with it?

I guess the question is this: will I miss my stuff as much as I miss my friends and family right now?

Answer: I highly doubt it.

Really?

Dear Background Checkers/Drug Testers:

Hi there. My name is Meredith Evans and I was ready in May to start my new job. I understand the importance of background checks and drug tests. I think it is a good thing to know as an employer if your future employee is a drug addict or a serial killer. From the documentation provided, you see that I am 22 years-old. My background consists of living in two different places and a couple of credit cards. There is also a lack of violence, I tend to be a peaceful person. My dependence on drugs or alcohol is zero, as my drug test will feature.

So why is that it's been over a week since all this information was submitted and yet, I STILL can't start my job?

When you have an answer, please respond accordingly. And hurry: I may have to start a dependence on drugs to get me through the next few days of not being able to work.

Sincerely,
"Employed-But-Not-Working-And-Would-Like-To-Know-When-I-Can-Start" Meredith Evans

The Waiting Game

Being a new graduate, I could go pro if there was such a team for the Waiting Game. Hey, maybe that'll be my newest job prospect...

I interviewed with the Board of Directors for Junior Achievement on Friday. I feel it went well. Everyone was so nice. Unfortunately my 22 years of age is still working against me, so I'm hoping they are overlooking my "youth" and see the hard-working, motivated employee I will be for them. I'll be in touch with my potential boss at the end of this week, so I'll share what I hear then.

I also did a really interesting article for Orlando Style. Well, the interview part, I haven't started the article part. Two 30-somethings in Downtown Orlando are throwing a huge party to raise money for a patient in one of the hospitals. More specifically, a spinal cord injury patient. They are putting the money toward a new vehicle to make their new life transition a little easier. These women were incredible to talk to and I wish them all the best in their efforts. I may even try to get tickets! I'll post links with information when more is available online, then you can see the work these ladies are putting into it.

In other news, my roommates are here! Grandma and Grandpa arrived safely on Saturday evening. It was nice coming home from work to someone being at the house. And there's actually food in the house! Many of you know I love cooking and food in general, but living by myself with the schedule I keep has left the fridge a little emptier than normal. Grandpa has been busy working on projects around the house that I couldn't take care of and Grandma is getting the house decorated for the season. I spent my day off yesterday laying in the pool reading Twilight thanks to Aunt Joyce. I also made us a version of chicken pot pie that turned out pretty good. As Grandpa said, "it's very different, but good." I have new palates to cook for, palates that differ from my brave sister. Hopefully I'll come up with some things we all like!

This week I'm working on my article, working at the Pub, house/dog sitting for my manager, all while waiting to here back about the job. At least I have some things to keep my brain occupied.