...and the World Spins Madly On.

These last few weeks have been a blur. School keeps plugging away - I cut hair, I color hair, I make people happy, I go home, make dinner, go to the gym, go to bed, then get up and do it all over again. 


This industry is interesting. If I wanted to be a rockstar stylist and be famous someday (and probably if I was 18 again), I'd be content with what's expected after you take your boards for cosmetology. What's expected is this: apprentice under someone for 1-2 years making minimum wage, folding towels, cleaning up after them, and not touching hair. But I tend to veer off the beaten path and pursue things my peers wouldn't think of. Thank goodness, in this case. Just starting to make a decent living at the age of 30 sounds horrific. I don't expect to have everything, but I expect to be able to pay my bills between now and then. So there's that. 


Then there's him. He graduates in June, too. His career track could take him anywhere. Also with the fear of barely having a paycheck for awhile. Mine is flexible too, but a steady paycheck could be more likely (but who knows these days). So where does that leave us? 


Coming to grips with what both of you are trying to accomplish is hard. All of a sudden the thought of living in my parents' basement together seems way better than living 1,000 apart. So what will we do? The answer is I don't know. Do I wait to see where he might work? Does he wait to see where I might work? Do we actually have the luxury to be unemployed for the time it takes to figure those things out? (That is answer is definitely a No.) 


Living together has been great. Seriously. There have been arguements, moments when we're sick of each other, and every day has been a learning experience. I didn't realize until now that this life could change pretty drastically this summer. Every once in awhile we talk about marriage. Obviously we are very committed already so what's the rush? I came to the conclusion that I like to talk about it because I feel like it gives us something to look forward to. We are a sure thing and nothing else in our future feels that way, so why not talk about the excitement of a prospective wedding and marriage? Guess what I also finally realized: getting married won't make job hunting any easier. Getting married won't mean we suddenly have the luxury to do whatever we want. Having a ring on my finger won't pay the bills. In fact, it will lead to more bills. That just sucked the fun out of that, huh? 


I'm the type of person that is always positive. I trust that everything will work out. But some days, like today, I let reality pull me in and scare the shit out of me. And the reality is this: we have no clue what's going to happen after June. And while that's exciting most of the time, today it sucks. 


Tomorrow I'll get up and my routine will start again. I'll put a smile on my face and keep moving forward because that's what I do: I keep pushing. I keep hoping for the best. So may tomorrow be filled with hope once again.

Welcome to 2012!

Clearly I've been busy with school. I'm back to my normal self after a few very-tired months of catching up and learning the ropes at Aveda. I'm doing hair 4 days a week - color, highlighting, cutting, blow-drying, and hopefully making people feel awesome. I love it, and each day I keep changing my mind about what I want to do in this industry. 


These last few weeks, aka the beginning of 2012, I've thought a lot about goals. For this year, for next year, for years to come - it's been a very thoughtful couple of weeks in terms of what's coming up for my life. And our life - 2 new graduates come June means big stuff for the summer. Whether it's a goal I share with him, or a goal for myself only, I wanted to hold myself accountable for some goals on here. Apparently I think that by posting it publicly, I'll be more likely to achieve said goals. Some will be achieved, some will probably change over time - and that's ok. 


1. Read. I used to read all the time when I lived alone. Thankfully, public transportation allows time at the beginning and end of my day to get some reading in if I can't get to it at home. 
2. Learn. As much as I can about hair. And try new things outside of school. (up next, ballroom dancing!)
3. Play tennis. This would have been 'exercise', but that sounds too 'resolution-y'. Tennis is fun, we enjoy it together, and even invested in lessons. Tennis it is! 
4. Yoga. At least a few times per month, especially when my back feels out of whack. 
5. Phone calls. Make them, take them, return them. I've been a less-than-stellar friend to keep in touch with, so it's time to no longer fear the phone. (This includes text messages) 
6. Girlfriends. Make sure I see people more than a few times a year. Especially when we live in the same city. 

I would have listed 12 goals for the sassy title, but they would have consisted of the typical "eat better" and "manage money better", etc. I think 6 goals of things I enjoy and need to make sure I stick with is a pretty sweet list. Poor me, having to read, play, and talk to my friends on a regular basis in 2012. :) 


Happy 2012, everyone. Maybe this year will be a good blog year, too!

Sorry Summer

In May I moved in with my love (and his roommate) downtown. My credit card was under control. We made a list of all the things we wanted to take advantage of in our fair city. Then I got fired. I went home to Indiana for a week. We did some things here and there. I cleaned a lot. I made the decision to go to cosmetology school. I started July 26th. One week in, I got a high fever that lasted for 12 days. Turns out I probably have mono. One more week of rest and I'll be tiredly making my way back to school. But having that one week of my own things outside the house, and then having it 'taken away' for another 3 weeks put me over the edge. 

After crying and yelling for the last 3 months about how life isn't fair and how I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me and how living with 2 dudes is less than stellar, he finally told me that he wouldn't complain with me. That I've complained about the same things all summer, but he wouldn't join me in my pity party. I didn't even realize I was throwing one.

I've apologized a lot this summer. All my frustrations have been taken out on the person who loves me no matter what, which is what happens when you live in close quarters. And after I yell and cry, I apologize for being a basket case. But it never occurred to me that my usually sunny disposition has had a dark cloud over it since the beginning of June. 

So how did I spend my summer, really? Did I have fun? Sure. But did I spend the majority of it feeling like a total loser who didn't deserve any fun? You bet. Did you know you can like where you live, and then after 3 months of being cooped up, absolutely hate it? I mean, what did our apartment ever do to me, except give me a roof over my head? I even sunk so low as to start blaming other people for my lack of having a life.

I'm a firm believer in being in charge of your own life - you can make the best of any situation. This summer, I didn't. I tried. I put on a smile. But underneath I just angrier and angrier. And then getting sick, to the point of not even being able to do anything, was the icing on the cake. 

Now that I realize how crabby I've been at home, I think it's time for an attitude adjustment. I think it's time to be ok with splurging on a yoga class or a facial, or new shoes. Not every week, but treating myself to things I enjoy is ok. I'm always encouraging others to treat themselves well and to take care of themselves. The bottom line is that I haven't taken care of me the way I need to be taken care of. How bad does that suck when you realize it's you, and not the world making you miserable? 

Unfortunately I wasted a summer being angry and sad (with a recurring dream about my old job, that couldn't have helped). But it's time to seek out the things I've wanted to take advantage of in this city that make me happy. No one else can do that for me. 

And I'm tired of apologizing. So perhaps instead of letting all my stress out on the person who truly makes me happy every day, maybe I'll take my stress out in a yoga class or jog session throughout the week. I know relationships have their ups and downs, and we'll have more. But I need to remember to take care of myself the way I love to take care of the other person. 

We're going to Boston this weekend to see my college friends get married. We're staying at a b&b near the Mayflower in Plymouth. We're looking forward to relaxing, the ocean, good food, and good friends. And lobster. :) 

Here's to end of summer smiles and less sorries.

New Beginnings

After much deliberation, questioning, phone calls to friends and family, and countless soul-searching conversations, I'm getting my bag together for school tomorrow. 

My love of the fashion industry has seen a few different jobs and where they could potentially lead me. The clothing aspect is exciting, and the thing I find most-fascinating as I don't sew, but it just didn't do it for me. Anytime I've written or worked on the beauty-side, whether it was talking about the latest products, makeup/hair styles, or working in a salon, I couldn't get enough. For 10 years I've thought a cosmetology license would be fun to pursue: and pursue it I will! 

I start my Aveda training in Chicago tomorrow. I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm praying I remember my checkbook to give them my first day's deposit. I'm antsy about what I'm going to wear. I had orientation earlier this month, but am looking forward to getting to know my classmates. Mostly, I'm excited to jump into something completely different and come out of it next year with brand new skills from a company that is near and dear to my heart. 

I couldn't have asked for more support as I start this new adventure. To go from corporate sales to doing hair is a huge change, and a scary one at that. But last month when I lost my job, I decided that was a sign to take the leap. Having looked into the Institute before losing my job, it sparked my interest, and I couldn't help but wonder if this was the right time for me.

Okay, Universe: I listened and I'm finally moving forward. Let's do it!

What Relaxation feels like...I think.

I'm helping my parents out this week while they are out of town on business/vacation. Normally when I'm at my parents house, I'm tensely waiting to go back home for whatever work is waiting for me. But this time, I think I'm doing what most would call "relaxing." Here's how I know: 

*I'm not annoyed whatsoever by the dog waking me up by 7:30am. When he wants to hang out in the yard for awhile, I'm happy to hang out with him. And any time he comes to me, I immediately tend to his needs. All of this sounds normal, but before now I was always in a hurry with him and always made him wait for me to finish whatever I was doing. 

*My girlfriends came over yesterday. We sat outside all afternoon with the dog. I had no concept of what time it was, and I was perfectly happy to just go with the flow. When we were hungry, we ate. I had crab legs for the first time (YUM). We went for a drink last night to one of my favorite college bars and were happy to call it a night by midnight. Again, I didn't even bother worrying what time it was, or what time the dog woke me up this morning.

*I'm taking care of things around my parents house that I typically would roll my eyes at or do only because they wanted me to. Perhaps it's because as an adult, you lose the 'tude with the parents. But I think it also has to do with the fact that I currently don't feel like people are asking the world of me during the week, so doing things around my parents house doesn't phase me. And it gives me breaks between readings and Gilmore Girls episodes. 

*I think I just now realized how much work my parents have done with their yard. By walking the yard with the dog, I see they've done a ton of landscaping, put in a beautiful patio, and have potted plants everywhere that make it feel like an outdoor sanctuary. Mind you, I've been to parents house in the last couple of months when all of this was completed. Obviously my brain was distracted. 

*Lastly, I don't feel bad taking my time to get things done. Cleaning, cooking, visiting, walking the dog, reading outside: no time constraints. I don't feel bad for not checking the time every so often because right now it doesn't matter. It's kind of like vacation, except for me I currently don't have a job to go back home to, which makes me relax for real. Honestly, I'm not so heartbroken about it. 

I was a little afraid that being alone for so many days with the dog would drive me a little crazy. Not that I don't check in with the BF each day, or text with people, but just the idea of being alone in my parents house with no cable was kind of nerve-wracking. Now that I'm here (and have activities planned each day anyway) I'm using my quiet time to listen to what I really want in my next venture. And I think getting away from my Now Home to my Then Home is a great way to check-in with myself and get away from the craziness of the city we live in. I never thought I'd appreciate the quietness, the woods, and the fresh air at Mom & Dad's the way I do right now. Funny how that works...

Leaps of Faith

We were watching an old episode of How I Met Your Mother. At the end, I turned to Mr. L and said, "I think this was really good that I watched this when I did." He just nodded, as he does when he's not really sure what I'm getting at, but wants to proceed with caution given my emotional roller coasters over the last couple of weeks.

This particular episode features the main character's friends telling him that even though he thinks he should be pursuing one career, maybe he's running into roadblocks for a reason. We're taught from a young age that walls are built to break through. What we're not taught is what to do when there's a wall and also a small window of opportunity open right next to it. Do we keep breaking through these walls and ignore the windows? If we're told we're good at something, or 'should' do something, we think that's our option. I have to become the best "insert occupation here" I can no matter what - even if everything and everyone is saying no. I know we all run into bumps in the road. But do we continue down the same path even when there are arrows pointing us in a different direction? A direction we hadn't considered before, maybe out of fear of the unknown? 

The moral of this story is that life isn't planned. As much as I like to plan ahead, there comes a point when you say 'fine. Life, you tell me where to go from here.' We shouldn't stop being proactive in our lives, but we should start listening to the world when it tries to help us along. Instead of fighting it, maybe we should just take the leap and look forward to a new adventure we didn't think we could pursue in the first place. 

Enjoy the clip - for some reason the writing at the end is backwards, but it doesn't take away from anything.

Blast from the Past

 I was poking through another blog I've contributed to in the past - some of you may remember "Just a little thing called life." Me and two of my best ladies started it one day with the idea that maybe we'd turn it into a book one day for other 20-somethings to learn from our thoughts/mistakes/successes/etc. Well, you'll see that the last post was January 2010 - one of us is blogging up a storm on her own, I've been taking my own path through life that left writing on the back-burner, and the other one had a baby last year. But sometimes it's nice to go back and see what your thoughts were years ago - which is how I stumbled upon this entry I posted right before I moved back to the Midwest almost 2 years ago. While some things in my life have changed, my overall thought process has not. And I think this is a great reminder for myself and others that happiness is the ultimate goal and we shouldn't be afraid of it. 

From July 13, 2009:

What happens when you realize you thought you had it figured out, but actually have no clue?

My goal after graduation was to work for a non-profit because you learn how to do everything. You have to work really hard to get results and typically others in the non-profit world also work really hard.

I've found all of these things to be true. But it's not enough. So, where do I go from here?

As 20-somethings, we are goal-oriented from the day we are born. All we are told is that we should finish school and work toward a great career that will provide security and insurance. Hopefully, you love what you do, but the biggest thing is to make sure you're taken care of. I have all these things, and my job is fine, but I'm getting to the point where my job is simply paying my bills. As a non-profit employee, I think it's important to want to give 110% every day to ensure the success of your programs. Not even a year in and I'm already tired of giving my 110%. To be honest, I care a little less every day about my job. I still work hard, but it's because I'm supposed to, not because I want to. Is this what I spent my whole life working toward?

And what happens now that I realize this? Do I just simply quit? Do I look for another job, even though I haven't even been there a year? Or, do I pursue what really makes me happy at the expense of losing some of my current security? Would that really be a bad thing?

My fellow 20-somethings, I hope we are all brave enough to take a chance on our lives and strive for happiness, even if it goes against the status quo.

Untying the Knots

Yesterday was my massage day. I haven't had a massage in years, but Mr. L treated me for my birthday and I couldn't think of a better time to use it.

My job was pretty stressful most of the time - always number-crunching, always finding new leads, always have to be on top of your game. I basically didn't sleep on Sunday nights in anticipation of the upcoming week (and probably dreading 7am meetings every Monday). So when the massage therapist asked if there was anything in particular I wanted her to work on, I told her that I was sure I was carrying a lot of stress in my back. And boy was I right.

Did you know that in between your shoulder blades you can acquire the biggest knots ever? I didn't. It was painful, but the kind of pain you have to get through to get some relief.

As I walked home, feeling noodle-like and completely relaxed, I couldn't help but think that the tension she worked out of my back has probably been building for months. I know I haven't been taking care of my body like I should, especially in the last 8-9 weeks. Mr. L and I were good about workouts after the first of the year, but once March hit, things shifted and I became more focused on my stressful job. That means no yoga, no jogging, basically nothing except the occasional walk in the last couple of months.

I'm not here to blame my job for my knotted back. But I think I've realized that if a job, relationship, commute, overall schedule is a constant stressful situation, is it really worth it? Obviously you have to make time for yourself, whether it's a quiet moment in the morning while you drink your coffee, or hitting the gym for a yoga class a few days a week. But when other factors in your life don't let up for months at a time and end up distracting you from taking care of yourself, sometimes those other factors have to change so you can lead the life you want. My newly-acquired time off is the reminder I needed to realize that I'm in charge of the amount of stress I have in my life. And taking time for myself isn't a crime - in fact, doing things I enjoy should be a daily requirement.

awake is the new sleep, so Wake Up.

I'm newly unemployed. 6 days in. 

I won't go into details here, mostly because it's not a great feeling to talk about and I don't like to air my dirty laundry on the internet (unless someone REALLY deserves it...well, no, I still wouldn't put it on the internet). 

I will tell you that I've been on a search for the next thing - whether it's a new job or education I've yet to determine. Now that I don't have a job tying up my days, when I'm not feeling sorry for myself (usually the morning, when everyone else is getting ready to serve a purpose for society that day) I'm allowing myself to take some time to figure out what's important to me. 

After college, we hear a lot about a "5 year plan". Some go as far to create a 10-year plan, but for most the 5-year looks a little something like: get job - maybe get married - stay with company to get promoted - buy house with new promotion money - have kids (if applicable). You get the picture. Everyone's is different, but very similar in the career department. 

So what happens when you bounce around careers and nothing happens? Maybe not nothing, but you feel like you're not making any headway? I'm 3 years in to my 5 year plan and I've yet to come close to any type of promotion, let alone save enough to get a house in the next couple of years. What happens when you realize that the path you've been on (or paths) has you led you to....nowhere?

I have some things in the works, but nothing definite. In fact, this is the first time since college I feel like I don't have a plan. And I'm relieved. Is it stressful being unemployed? The short answer is Yes. But here is my to-do list for the next couple of weeks: 

Get a massage. 

Get hair done. 

A couple of meetings for potential job leads. 

Write when I want. 

Indiana for a few days. 

Walk the city to learn the neighborhoods. 

Yoga. 

And of course, apply for jobs. 

I have rent money in the bank for next month, and I'm working on some babysitting gigs to hold me over for a little while. But I think focusing on the things that make me happy is also important. Don't get me wrong, my confidence is at an all-time low any given day. The recovery process will take some time, but sometimes we just need to allow ourselves to dive in and rediscover who we really are. I'm seizing this wake-up call as the opportunity I needed to find me again. 

This post's title is a Ben Lee song called "Whatever it Is."

One month.

My birthday is coming up in one month from today. As I turn 25, I can't help but recall that last year I made a goal to pay off my credit card debt and keep my shopping habits in check. Well I'm here to tell you that by May 24th, 2011, my credit card debt should be a thing of the past! 


After 12 long months, my credit card bill is finally under control. In one month, I will have the entire thing paid off. This is a big deal for me as I can't remember the last time I did not have a credit card payment. Once I started my new job, shopping became rare as I felt like I had less time and less interest in spending money on things I didn't necessarily need. I've made due with all the work clothes I have in my closet. The most I've purchased was a few basic 'going-out' pieces and a few work jackets from Nordstrom Rack - yep, I bargain-shopped, and lived to tell the tale. Best of all, my Nordstrom bill was $41, which will be paid in full when it comes. This may seem to be a small feat for some, but for this shopping snob, this was a huge step for me. I even turned down a $35 designer shirt because it cost more than everything else combined that I'd picked. I'll pat myself on the back for that one, thank you! 


One thing that made a huge impact for me was saving up for a move. I saved every penny I could over the last 6 weeks or so, and put my credit card on the back burner. I wanted to make sure I had enough money for a deposit and any other moving expenses, as well as any other expenses that might come up this summer. Last week I realized that my living expenses will not change much initially, so the money I'd saved wasn't necessary anymore. Had I not had my credit card to pay off, I would have just kept saving. Instead, I chose to take the huge chunk I'd saved and put it towards my credit card. This credit card payment was the biggest I've ever paid. The biggest lesson I learned over the last 6 weeks is that I am in control of my finances - if I want to save for something, I can do it. If I want to pay off my credit card, I can do it. And, I finally feel like I can start saving for big things (once the credit card is done). Paying off that huge chunk of my card was scary, don't get me wrong. But knowing that by June I can restart my nest egg made it worth it. Instead of feeling like it would take me all summer to pay off my credit card, I now look forward to paying for a vacation in August in cash AND having money set aside for whatever else might come along. That's a great feeling. 


I'm happy that I feel like my finances are stabilizing. I thought I'd be at a certain place in my life by the time I turned 25 (which I think I mentioned for my birthday last year). I'm happy to say that I think that place has been found. I feel in control of my finances, and therefore my life. What an awesome feeling. :)

School's Out Never

Remember when every few months your whole life changed? Ok, maybe not your whole life, but your day-to-day schedule changed. Whether you were in elementary school or college, each quarter/semester brought the promise of exciting new experiences. There was a distinct beginning and end. And there was also summer vacation to look forward to. 


In May it will be 3 years since I graduated from Purdue. I still miss the semester changes every few months. Even though I went to school year-round almost every year I was there, you could still look forward to a nice break in between changing up your class schedule. You got new books, new syllabi, new teachers, and in some instances, a new chance to something even better than last semester. I remember my first semester of senior year being the busiest semester I ever had - and my class schedule was really light for my entire last year at Purdue. But I was in charge of recruiting participants for a fundraiser, writing for a brand new publication, helping do the PR for said publication, and working up to 20 hours a week. With school. All on top of having as much fun as possible with friends on weekends (let's be honest, we had plenty of fun during the week, too). 


My job is great. I love the company and the work that I do - for the most part. It's different every day and I wouldn't have it any other way. I can see myself working with this company and moving up into whatever department I choose. But as I told Mr. L the other day, I feel like I'm getting a 6-month itch. A restlessness that feels school-related in that nothing major has changed in my day-to-day life. It's become routine, and when you're in school, as soon as something becomes routine it changes again. I told him that it doesn't mean I want to leave my job, whereas in the past that's what I felt I needed to do. But I feel like I need to mix things up a bit. Is this why people take time off - to relive the anticipation of summer break? Of course, the difference is now we look forward to having an extra day on the weekends versus 3 months of laying by the pool every day. 


In January and February I volunteered with J.A. again, which was great. I was happy when it was over because things at work were getting more hectic. Now that I feel like I'm getting back in the swing of things, I feel like I need that extra distraction. Something to detach from work completely a few hours a week, and running outside can only do so much. When I worked at J.A., I wrote on the side. It was like homework, but not every week. And I loved it - I was able to pursue other interests outside of work and I was commited to it. Maybe because I feel like my life is consisting of work, exercise, and sleep during the week, I also feel like I need more than that. Don't get me wrong, I have fun on the weekends and enjoy all my time with Mr. L. I get together with friends when I want to and go shopping to unwind, but it's usually money I don't necessarily want to spend. I think I miss being culturally involved with the city I live in, and writing about local happenings helped me stay in tune in other places I've lived. 


I'll be moving downtown in May (yay!), which is something I've always wanted to do since I was a kid. I'm so thankful that I'm in a place in my life where I can achieve the things I've always wanted. Mr. L and I are looking forward to a fun-filled summer together, which will help me feel a part of the bigger picture on a regular basis. So maybe pursuing a freelance writing gig will keep my creative juices flowing, while also keeping me busy the way I want to be. If I could handle writing papers, studying, writing articles, working, fundraising, and a social life in college, there's no reason I can't handle it now. I guess the busier I am, the happier I am.

2010 Reflections

As I was driving home from the city tonight, I was reflecting on my life this year. I know the year isn't quite over. There are probably plenty of things that could happen to me in the next 5 days before the new year starts. But, I still have things that I'd like to acknowledge. Some are things that you may already know about, some are things you may not. Either way, I think it's healthy to take a step back and look at what one has accomplished and learned. So here it goes: 


Living: I moved once this year (yahoo!). I like my neighborhood, me and the roommate are just as good if not better friends than when I moved in. I'd say that since I moved here, I eat a lot more Portillo's and yummy pizza than I should. 


Work: I'm on my 3rd job. I started at the salon, moved here to work retail, now am doing business development. I'm so happy I worked retail for the last year. Being a manager and working my way up in the fashion world was fun - but my personal life felt very lacking. Luckily, my great networking and sales skills landed me an interview for my current position. I started in September and am very much looking forward to what 2011 will bring. 


Financial: With a new job came a nice pay increase. Since I started in September, I now have 1/3 less debt than when I started. I'd like to pat myself on the back for that one. :) 


Health: My cholesterol was tested recently: 182 - yes! I told the nurse she was my favorite person. I also lost about 15 pounds over the course of the last year. I did it unintentionally - the joys of running around in 3-inch heels for 8 hours a day combined with having time to eat half a salad and a handful of pita chips for lunch. But I'll take it! 


Friends: One of my best friends had her first child in June, and I'm a happy Auntie Mer. It's so exciting seeing him growing up. One of my other bff's is expecting her first child in March. It's been great catching up with old friends, Purdue friends, and my roomie and I try to have fun whenever we can. I get to see so many of my favorite people on a regular basis - how lucky am I? 


Family: Seeing my family more regularly has been awesome. They live about 2 hours away, so I've been able to see them at least once a month. We had some loss this year - a cousin in Florida who was nothing but wonderful to me when I lived there. And one of our family dogs - any of you animal lovers will understand that it's like losing a family member. I saw my family a few days after, which was good to see them after the tough week they had at home. After living in Florida for a year, I'm grateful that I'm able to be driving distance instead of flying distance. 


Love: Yep, this will make the list for 2010. We'll call him Mr. L. We met at the end of May and we've enjoyed every moment since then. He's my partner and I can go to him with anything. I feel loved and laugh every day - both at him and with him. He supports me in ways I didn't think I needed anyone to, and I'm so happy he's become such an important part of my life.


Miscellaneous: As the year wraps up, I've been able to take part in a yoga class and I started volunteering with Junior Achievement again. My schedule now allows me to take a little bit of time for myself to help kids and do what I need to do to re-center. In fact, traveling to Boston and Naples would fall into that category. I visited friends in Boston. Mr. L and I went to FL for 5 days to soak up some sunshine before the holiday madness. So this is what it's like to feel like a normal human being, eh? 


I think that's basically my year in a nutshell. I have some things to be proud of, some things I may have done differently, but overall - I'd say 2010 was successful. Lots of learning, lots of love, and lots of fun - I wouldn't have it any other way.

10 months.

That's how long I have before my living situation could change. It could potentially run longer than that, but with roommate graduating from grad school and finding employment who knows where, I could very well need a new place to live in that time. And right now, I can't afford it. 


Sticking to a budget has proved to be difficult for me. But with the help of family and friends, I will be held accountable for any extraneous shopping I feel I should be able to do. I think I don't make enough money, but the reality is that I can pay my bills. Choosing to purchase X, Y, and Z for $100 each is my poor choice. So, instead of shopping, I'll be watching my credit card bill get smaller while my savings account gets bigger. 


How much more do I need anyway? I have plenty of shoes. My work wardrobe is taken care of. I always think I need new jeans, but I never wear jeans. "When have you seen me wear jeans?" - me to manfriend. His response: "Um....never." Exactly. I have dresses, sweatshirts, tshirts, and running shoes that are old, but fine since it's not like I run marathons. 


Working retail, you tell everyone every day that they NEED these new items - it's like nothing they've ever seen before! I love everything we sell at work and wish I could have it all. But why do I need it? It's time to start ignoring what I tell other people. Just because the stuff I have isn't the newest, doesn't mean it's not sufficient for what I need it to do. There's a lot to be said for living more simply. 


Yesterday I played kickball with manfriend and friends (pause for WTF?! moment. I actually enjoyed it and was not horrible at it). I didn't miss shopping one bit and I didn't even care that I was in a tshirt and basketball shorts in public. It was free, it was a beautiful day to be outside, and I met some new people who just like to have fun together. Those days of real human interaction seem so few and far between for me. It was nice to just worry about who's turn it was to kick instead of worrying about what people thought of my outfit. 


I think of myself as a material girl, but maybe material girls need a break from their material world sometimes too. And if breaking from that materialism will get me what I want (a place downtown no matter how tiny) in 10 months, that seems worth it to me.

The Land of Opportunity

What happens when opportunity knocks at the door you're not you want to open?

I have the best problem to have: potential new jobs while having a job. And the job I have, I like it for the most part. The honeymoon period is over and the last few weeks have really tested me, but I like the basic job function and the people I work with. I feel like I'm coming to a sort of crossroads in my career (whatever it is I think I'm doing). Do I want to stay in the industry I have a love/hate relationship with, or do I venture back home to try something that may or may not lead to bigger and better later?

Financially, especially long-term, I would probably be better off leaving. At this point that's the only thing that sounds like a good enough reason to pick up and go (again). The problem is that I'm getting some resemblance of a life here. Plans every week with different people, roommate shenanigans, enjoying days off in the city, a new boo (yes, but that's all you get for now). My point is that my network of Chicagoans is growing and I don't know if I'm ready to leave them. As much as my schedule is not 9-5, having a day off during the week means I can get downtown and relax while everyone else is at work. Working evenings til 9pm means I'm not sitting in front of the TV and I still get home by 10 at the latest. And Saturdays in retail fly by when you're working. It is now weird to me when I have a Saturday off. I never thought that would happen.

Yes, vacation time is tricky and I still get phone calls from the store on my days off. But the calls are fewer now and I trust they'll keep dwindling. And the reality is that I make my own schedule. If I want to take a long weekend, it's easier to just schedule it in so I don't have to take vacation time. That kinda rocks.

Say I left for something a little more "normal": i.e. regular Monday through Friday, flexible vacation time, weekends off. This opportunity is not in Chicago, so does that mean I spend every weekend in the city? Driving two hours every once in awhile is not a big deal, but every weekend? That could get old real quick. Would the money be worth being away from my new network of peeps I'm growing accustomed to? Sure, a few friends are back home and family is obviously there. But I can't help but remember that living there, all I wanted was to be here. Now that I'm living here, I don't have the same yearning to live there.

While I think it's important to love what you do 40 hours a week, I also think it's important to love where you're living. If I'm not hating what I'm doing, maybe my love for Chicago will trump whatever comes up elsewhere.

24

My birthday has come and gone and I couldn't ask for better friends and family who love and support me. I had a blast this weekend and worked yesterday. Today I had the day off and was able to take care of some things, including my credit card!

As I was reading a health magazine today, I came across some interesting financial things, too. It not only inspired me, but allowed me to research some more about paying off credit card debt. I'm a girl who loves a quick fix and thinks that paying off X amount should take no time at all. Ha.

Turns out my giant credit card bill could take longer than I'd anticipated. But, given my research, this is nothing to be discouraged by. I think I needed the reality check to understand that this is actually a bigger undertaking than I thought. Kind of like eating horribly and not exercising means it takes no time to gain weight, spending ridiculously adds up really quickly. The catch is that you can't just drop the pounds immediately and the same goes for your bills. Just because you spend more doesn't mean you magically start making more.

So today marks the beginning of a new journey: responsible spending. This is a new concept for me. I've always felt that if I want something, I'm entitled to have it and should therefore purchase it for myself. My expensive taste has led to purchases I love, but it's time to get real. What can I actually afford?

With budget in hand (aka, easily accessible on my computer for frequent reference), I am ready to go into the world and find affordable things to buy and do. Some ideas I have already:

1. Work. I get a discount and can afford to buy one (maybe two depending on the price) item a month and still have money left to have fun with. I don't really need to buy clothes every week, so this should be reasonable.
2. Target. Great for basics, especially summer clothes that I'll wear for three months and then put away again. No need to feel like I need designer stuff that I can't even wear all the time!
3. Outlets, TJMaxx, Nordstrom Rack, etc. For the designer love in me, these places all offer great items at affordable prices. It may take some rummaging (which I've loathed in the past), but getting a good deal that I can pay cash for comfortably is well worth it.

I can still have a fashion-forward summer wardrobe, I just don't need to into debt to have things I'll wear for three months. A few basic tops, basic dresses, a new pair of sandals and I'm good to go. Of course, after May 31st. (I grounded myself from shopping the rest of the month, remember?)

As I go, I'll probably post my purchases on here to keep myself accountable for what I'm buying. By writing it down for you to see, it will force me to be aware of what I'm spending.

I'm excited to make some real progress!

The Year of the Tiger

Those who know me well know I have a birthday coming up. It's my golden birthday (the date is the same as the year I'm turning) and I've always looked forward to my golden birthday. When I was in grade school, I always imagined what I would be like when my golden birthday came. The hope was that I'd be a fabulous adult living in an awesome place downtown with an awesome job, driving a really nice car with life totally figured out. Guess again!

Mind you, I'm happy where I am and enjoy my wheels, but the whole figuring-out-life thing is definitely a life-long process you don't realize when you're in grade school. One thing I still have yet to figure out, and this a biggie: money.

Remember a couple posts ago when I was asking how much is enough? Well according to my budget, I have plenty to live. Living expenses, car expenses, and even some money is thrown into my budget. And guess what else needs to stay in my budget right now? My credit card bill.

My store credits are paid in-full with every bill I get, which is why I rarely put things on store credit. But my major credit card, that's a different story. And it's a sad one at that.

I have a plan. In my budget, I allot for credit card bills. Great! That's a step in the right direction - that means I can pay it off, right? Ideally, yes. For me, probably not.

So here's my birthday gift to myself, to celebrate my golden year: No using the credit card until it's paid off. My living expenses are good and I still have fun money. There's virtually no actual reason to use my credit card. It's time to buckle-down and save like normal people for things. I always like to think I'll pay back my credit card right away, but it's so much easier to forget about it and just pay the minimum payment when it comes. So this year's the year.

Disclaimer - I'm giving myself until my actual birthday to start this challenge for myself. But to be safe, I've grounded myself from shopping for the rest of the month.

Ask and you shall Receive...

Today I felt like myself again. After months of soul-searching, moving, waiting, and not shopping, I felt rejuvenated.

I ventured downtown tonight to scope out the art district. It's galleried streets offer window art ready for you to take in, green tea frappucino in-hand. It was also home to a style event that showcased Chicago designers selling and talking about what they love: the living art of fashion.

It was wickedly hot inside, but the complementary cocktails and sushi helped. It also helped being surrounded by so much creativity. Jewelry, bags, dresses, jackets...you get the picture. I even ran into a designer who graduated from Purdue! I, of course, purchased a lovely dress for summer from her. I looked at it as my way of supporting local arts. It was a fantastic evening of food, new friends, and our love of fashion. Being able to talk to the people who worked so hard to present these pieces was awesome. It's like any other artist, really. They have these brilliant thoughts and things to say. They just don't verbalize their thoughts, they instead create them for the world to enjoy and interpret. It was nice to be able to compliment the person who fabricated the garment you'll wear this summer. Despite the drive into and out of the city (Chicago construction is awesome!), I'd do this every day if I could.

It's important to have these days sometimes, to remind us of what we truly enjoy. It refreshes you, keeps you on your toes. Or luckily, for me, motivates me even more to continue on the path that I'm on.

Speaking of which, the last time I posted I mentioned waiting for opportunities. My opportunity came the day after, and I interviewed and officially accepted a new position. Funny how things work out, huh?

What's Enough?

I left my full-time salary-with-benefits-job to pursue a career in the industry that truly interests me. This particular industry is a blast to work in; I have fun almost every day. The hours are all over the place. The clients are interesting. And I get to dress people in fabulous clothing and accessories - pretty sweet!

Since I moved back to the Midwest, money has been a huge concern for me. Living in FL, I was starting on the path of financial hope - hope that my bills could get paid, I could money in savings, and my debt would be finished. My job was steady, so it was completely feasible to accomplish all of these things. However, I love to shop, eat, go out for the occasional beer/cocktail, and travel. So saving real amounts of money was difficult for me. Then I moved home for 6 months with no living expenses, a car to pay for, and a credit card and apartment fees to pay on less than half my previous income. Totally capable of taking care of myself financially in the comfort of my parents' house, yet it still didn't happen. So, moving to a new, steadier job seemed like the logical thing to do next. Living at home with no living expenses wasn't deterring me from spending on silly things, so living on my own working my way up in a company made sense.

Now I'm here. And it still doesn't feel like enough. I work hard, things are progressing well. I tell myself weekly that financially, I should be good to go within a year. Once I'm making more money, my concerns for finance will cease. My credit card will be taken care of, I'll have money in savings, I'll even make enough to live in my own place again. But I can't shake the nagging feeling that I'm going to be poor forever. (Ok, that was dramatic, maybe not forever). When does this feeling go away? How much money does it take to not feel poor? Is it a specific number? Maybe when my credit card is paid off, will that mean I can relax a little? And will I really be able to do it in a year?

Perhaps it's time to make myself truly accountable by using the internet to budget for myself. By sharing my credit card progress, maybe I can keep motivating myself to keep up on my finances better instead of just paying bills because they're there. I try to tell myself that I don't need to go out all the time because I'm still paying off probably 2 years of fun on my credit card. Shouldn't that be enough motivation?

Maybe there's never enough. Enough money, time, motivation, energy...maybe it's all about doing the best you can with what you have. Maybe that's the question I should start asking myself: am I truly doing the best I can with what I have? If we ask ourselves this question regularly, I wonder what kind of answers (and excuses) we can come with...

Life-changing

New job. New place. New roommate. New diet?

I've been recently inspired to research more in-depth about natural and organic eating. I buy a lot of healthy food, but am a sucker for snacks that aren't so healthy and if there's ice cream in the freezer, forget about it. What would happen if I took the extra time and invested in buying and cooking all-natural, all the time?

Supposedly we can get all our nutrients from food, right? By researching "power foods", I'm finding that by incorporating nutrient-rich foods into your daily diet, your body can look and feel better. I'm all about exercise to do this too, but eating to look better? Who woulda thunk it?

So now I'm doing an experiment, and it's basically starting right now. I'm going to load up on greens (not just romaine), whole grain everything, fruits, and legumes. I'll start cooking them the way our bodies are meant to absorb them. Then see what the results are. Benefits I read about include maintaining a healthy weight, better skin, improved digestive tract, and just overall healthy glow. Well, I wanna glow too.

I labeled this post Life-changing because it's one of my favorite phrases when describing food. For example, life-changing coconut shrimp, key lime pie, and other assorted cholesterol-unfriendly items. In an effort to help my cholesterol and overall well-being, I plan to make healthy food life-changing because it really can be. I expect some slip ups along the way, but I'll try to keep remembering this phrase adapted from a friend: "There is no food that tastes as good as healthy feels."

See for yoursE.L.F.!

I remember hearing about Eyes Lips Face on Oprah in 2004. It claimed to have makeup for the masses at unbeatable prices. Now that I'm making less money, it's time to get frugal. E.L.F. is one way to be beautiful without paying an arm and a leg.

My recent purchase consisted of 2 mascaras and 2 eyeliners. With shipping, my total was $11. And the majority of that was the shipping price. Each item was $1.00. Yep, it's the dollar menu for beauty buffs!

I decided to get black and brown, since those are what I primarily use in my color palette. However, there was blue, violet, and green available at the time. For those of you who are more adventurous than I, you too can appreciate paying $1.00 for your eyeliner!

Now was it worth it? I'd say yes overall, but here are a couple disclaimers. This is after weeks of use, too:

1. The eyeliner is an eyeliner pen, which I love. However, my brown color came dry. It was like a marker that ran out of ink. When I put it under water, the color flows once again, but the next day it's dried up. Obviously, I'm not using it, as I feel that's too much effort to put forth, especially when you feel like it's going to start running down your face due to the extra moisture. The black eyeliner has been nothing but perfection.

2. The mascara is...worth the dollar you pay for it. It's not the best mascara I've ever used, but for $1.00, it does what I need it to do - make my lashes look like they're there (mine get lighter in color on the ends). The mascara I purchased is a double mascara - waterproof on one end, regular on the other. A nice feature, but I'd say the quality is about the same on either side.

Disclaimer for these disclaimers: All products purchased were $1.00. If this is the worst it gets, then they've made an E.L.F. fan out of me.