It's been a reflective couple of weeks.
I'm realizing that I like my job, but I don't want it to become my life. I want to have a life outside of work. I want to be able to come home at the end of the day and de-stress, not worry about what happened or what's to come tomorrow. My social network is very important to me outside of work. I don't want to become the 9-5 drone who gets up at 5:30am, works out, goes to work, comes home, goes to sleep, and repeats this process 5 days a week. I'm learning that it's all a balancing act, and that when something gets unbalanced, it throws you for a loop.
My job has been...frustrating. I'm learning from the mistakes I didn't know I was making at the time I made them. I'm learning that I can't please everyone. I'm learning that I am only one person, and that unless I do or think about JA 24-hours a day, there are things that just have to wait until tomorrow. I felt myself turning into a drone, and a cranky one at that. Work was seeping into my car, my apartment, and therefore my free time. And I'm sorry, it's just not worth it.
I need things to be somewhat organized (though looking at my office you would never guess). I need structure, but couldn't quite figure out where that structure was needed in terms of my job. Over the last month, I have allowed anyone and everyone to use my time the way they needed to, which is fine. I work for a non-profit; I can't refuse everyone because I'm tired one day. But, that doesn't mean that I should be catering to everyone's wants and needs. There need to be boundaries. And guess what? I can create them.
I can create schedules to keep me and everyone on task. I can say "NO" because my expectations weren't met. I can feel not-guilty for setting rules and deadlines that someone might not like. There's a reason for rules: it helps us avoid chaos. In my case, it will take less pressure off of me and my volunteers, which I think is a win-win situation if you ask me.
So, my recent revelation of having standards and deadlines was put to the test this week. I'm leaving this Saturday to go to Indiana until the 24th, which means there isn't time for people to argue with me and my rules. And it's actually been working! I'm not mean, just very to-the-point about my schedule. I'm learning that many people just don't do well with having a lot of options. If you give them fewer options, then usually they make a decision quicker (or you can make it for them). Nothing has backlashed yet and most things are in place for next week while I'm gone. Now, tomorrow will be a freaking busy day, but it probably would have been even if I wasn't leaving on Saturday. And when I get on the plane on Saturday, I am confident that nothing will collapse while I'm gone. I don't need to feel so important that I can get away for a few days. Yes, it's a week of work, two of the days being event days. But, I am not the Lone Ranger, and the weight of the world is not on my shoulders. These events will happen and they will be as successful as they can be, with or without me. And I was able to make sure everything was as in-place as I could make it.
Am I tired? Hell yes. A good tired, though. An accomplished tired.
I'm going home to stand-up in a wedding. In between wedding-related events, I plan to hang out with my sister, read a couple of books, and play with my dogs. I have some lunch things planned, but that's about it. A week of nothing but relaxing with friends and family.
I never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait to go home to Indiana.